Natural hair is not for poor Nigerians. Thank you

natural h
A lot of Nigerians and Blacks generally are embracing their natural hair. Don’t get me wrong, every single strand of hair from one’s scalp is natural but the natural I am referring to in this context are limited to unpermed hair strands.

One of my friends, Ivy, showed my sister and I a photo of an African girl with this big beautiful afro and we fell in love with the hair. When she saw how thrilled we were, she persuaded us to join her as a member of Nigeria’s natural hair community. We agreed to meet weekly for hair related discussions. All these happened almost 3 months ago.

During our fifth meeting, my sister had an announcement to make. She had transitioned for five weeks and had come to the conclusion that relaxers are her thing. She backslided on our faces and wished Ivy and I success on our natural hair quest. Ever since my sister backed out, I have lost the motivation to go natural. (Is this why most teamnaturals limit their circle to only teamnatural girls?)

Let’s be realistic. This natural hair hustle is not easy for not-so-rich people. I’ve made my research on the internet (natural hair blogs) and I’m going to use myself as a case study.

 I. Can’t. Share. My. Breakfast. With. My. Hair.
Where I live, breakfast during weekends consists of coffee, bread and one egg which is a complete balanced diet. Take out the egg which is the ghen ghen of the meal and the ‘balanced’ is gone. I’d be left with just…diet.
Take out the coffee and I’m left with just carbohydrates to keep my tummy sane.
Before you begin to ask why I’ll have to do that, NH blogs insists raw eggs and a coffee/tea rinse are pertinent for healthy hair growth and I don’t remember mentioning I own a poultry farm.

when your natural hair wants protein for lunch but you only have beans at home

when your natural hair wants protein for lunch but you only have beans at home

 

Channels TV won’t teach me how to moisturise and seal
In the beginners stage of trying to grow out one’s natural hair, youtube is supposed to be my god on earth. Since Nigerian hairdressers know nothing on how to stretch my hair using the tension method, I’d have to consult youtube for videos on how to prepoo, co wash, twistouts, tshirt dry, bantu knots etc but all that comes at the expense of my dear mb and you know the high cost of accessing internet in Nigeria. Let’s not mention how people guard their WIFI like gold. If I can’t find these videos on data-free-zones like MiTv, OnTv and the likes, I see no reason why I should go natural.

One hundred hair products, One hundred naira.
CON argan oil shampoo, Keracare and carol Cleansing Cream, eauty Formulas Apricot conditioner, L’ozrael Hair Rescue. How much is in my pocket? The only affordable products I can spare for this hair are ORI, coconut oil, kernel oil, olive oil and palm oil.
As for the prices of natural hair extensions, I’m not sure I’m ready to indulge in blood money. Not yet.

I Am Not Jessica Sims
When I read the hair diary of some of these bloggers, a couple of them end their posts with ‘off to work’, ‘off to lectures’. You see, these people have a job already. I don’t!
And God help me, if I wear my natural hair and I get called for a job interview in a shipping company, a razor and a relaxer pack would be in my pockets in the event my prospective employer says “you’re way too nappy for this job” “This your hair is not professional our work environment” or ”we are not letting you sail this Titanic until you get into the rest room and flush out that nappiness”.
Hehe. I hope I don’t have to spell out my priorities again.

Naturals Don’t Jump Danfos
Is it not awkward how there are so many naturals online yet I rarely bump into any of them offline, on the streets of Lagos. Why? Probably because all of them move around in their air conditioned limos with their prepooed hairs. If I happen to wear my natural hair, I’ll be alone…trekking…looking like MC Hammer…with all of my tangles… since I don’t have a motor. Then my hair would be exposed to low and high humidity. And every extra hour I stay out draws me closer and closer to shrinkage.( I hate how that stuff makes one looks like a burnt cake)
And since all the mad men & women that roam the streets of Lagos are either naturals or transitionals, one of them might mistake yours truly for their colleague. No thanks!

 

A  team natural mad woman with protective styling

A team natural mad woman with protective styling

 

I am not a patient person
Assuming I cut off my permed hair and my natural hair gets stunted at 4,5 6 inches (Black hairs are full of surprises). My frustration might induce mid life crisis like it happened to Bummi, my natural hair friend. I spent two weeks at her place and her poor soul was hurting cos of her stubborn hair. She had applied every hair product on her hair to no avail.

yet her hair still looked like this

yet her hair still looked like this

Then she began to go ‘diabolical’. Bummi started mixing egg with peak milk for the hair. She would blend fruit salad and empty it on her hair. She would subtly slip into the bathroom with a pack of 5 alive juice…

 

Bummi, the fresh tomatoes in the fridge were for our stew. Why is it on your hair?

Bummi, the fresh tomatoes in the fridge were for our stew. Why is it on your hair?

 

I hope with these few points of mine, I have been able to convince you guys only rich Nigerians should go natural. Thank you.
Arguments are welcomed in the comment box.
*empties relaxer on hair*

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