Let’s call him Paul. I met Paul a few years ago at a colleague’s house warming party. I had just gotten a new job at one of the central bank branches in Nigeria through the connection of one of my big politician uncle. He was nice, calm, generally my sort of person.
We connected that day, and it was the beginning of the 4 years relationship. Then Paul working for a small company and was hustling for a scholarship abroad. Of course I earned way more than he did, and I was being generally so supportive in any way I could, paid his rent for the two years he remained in the country,feeding and other things. I never asked for financial help seeing I earned more and he never offered me anything. The relationship dragged on for two years,paul was still hustling to go abroad. one day, in the course of our gist I mentioned my big uncle and he was like maybe he could help him put his name on the scholarship list.I agreed to talk to my uncle. Few days later paul proposed and I said yes. The pressure to talk to my uncle became increased until I finally did. He agreed to help. Paul, who was previously nice became extra nice. I should have seen the warning signs them maybe. He started buying things for me, where previously he never earned enough. He started gingering us to get married, or at least start introduction.
My family had been pestering me to get married so I was like why not? We did, and as a future son in-law, my uncle finally made the call, and he got in. During this period, I was posted to another branch, in the same state his parents were living and he suggested I live with his parents, after all we were almost married. Initially I didn’t want to, what if we didn’t get along? But the mother called me, she said she will be hurry is I don’t come, and was really acting all nice and lovely, I agreed. I went over. During this period, paul went for his masters. Now the scholarship covered only tuition, accommodation and books. Paul’s parents weren’t rich enough to pay for feeding so that was on me. Every month I had to send a specific amount. Paul’s parents were nice to me. So nice I felt lucky. Things began happening at home. I noticed Paul’s mother would usually bring financial problems to me, like Judd’s school fees were not paid, he was going to be driven from school, or that she had age grade burial and she couldn’t go, sometimes,a few tears will be dropped, and I’ll usually be like on, I’ll help. These request were so numerous.
I was practically paying the fees for the whole family, including the one in university. Asides this, the siblings would sometimes ask for help, or a new phone, and I would oblige. Then once they asked me for this really big request. It was a lot of money. Initially they didn’t ask me directly but his mom would be like my husband can’t eat anymore, he has no appetite, he’s losing weight cos of this financial issue, then she would start crying. Or days later she would bring the story of how her trusted uncle refused to borrow them money when he was that rich. She would have asked me but she know I’ve done a lot already. The sob stories were so much I finally agreed to borrow them the money as long as they paid me back. They agreed. All this while I was still sending money to Paul. Then the calls from Paul reduced. He will call his mother only, and if I’m around will be like if let me speak to her. When I complained about the no calls he said foreign calls was now so expensive, he couldn’t afford to call the me and his mum, and his mum will not understand if he doesn’t call her. In my mind I was like, I thought I give the money? I didn’t want to cause issues by coming between him and his mum so I let it go. Anyway my money was never paid. After much complaints about the financial status, how they would get money to pay me I finally had to let it go. imagine staying in a house then all they ever talk about around you is how they are so worried about how to pay you and how they are wondering if the bank would borrow them money to pay you, especially when they do not have collateral or if they can use the little land they have for collateral for bank loan and when they will get money to pay the bank if they actually get the loan. It got so uncomfortably I had to tell them to forget about the money.
I consoled myself thinking after all they were family..lol. One day strangely his mother woke me up very early in the morning with the news that they were moving from that house. This was like after a year since I moved in. She made complaints of how they couldn’t afford the rent anymore, and didn’t want to disturb me since I had done so much already. They were moving into a smaller house and unfortunately, there was no room for me there. She said they were so sorry it had to be like this, but they were moving within a month, and I had to look for my own place before then. I was like OK. I started house hunting, but didn’t get a place within a month.
All this whole she would be like how is the house search going, hope you get one soon and mounting small small pressure on me. I finally got one and moved. Then a week later, Paul stopped picking my calls. I would call and call, and there would be no reply.Even the occasional call he makes asking me to send money stopped. I called his mom., and she said he has been so busy, he hardly calls her too… When he didn’t answer for a month and I was tired, I sent a text that I wasn’t going to call anymore. The next thing I knew he blocked me Facebook and Instagram.I stopped sending money too . Two months later I don’t know how curiosity led me to check his Facebook account using a friend phone and wow..
There were pictures of his TM with a nigerian girl. She was Igbo.. They were smiling happily. She was pregnant. Even his mother and father were beside them smiling for the world. I can’t describe how I felt. I was shocked. I closed early, took a sick break and went immediately to their house, I had called his mom like they times and she never answered. I went to the “old house”since I didn’t know where to check. The first surprise was they were still living in that house, they never moved.lol…i was told by a little relative that stayed with them that mama wasn’t around. I stayed for an hour than left. This happened two more times, whenever I visited, even though I had lived there with them and I knew mama usually stayed indoors with the message that she wasn’t around when they was a visitor she didn’t like to see. After my third visit, I made up my mind never to go back. It was hard, that period I was like a walking ghost. I thought of my lost money, money I never even gave my parents, my lost time, wasted years.. And I decided to move on. I decided to be independent, used my money to build houses for rent, put in some project’s that brought in lots of money.
I discovered the idea of marriage and being in a relationship repulsed me, still does. My parents were worried, the pressure from them is still so much, especially since there have been some prospective suitors coming to them for my hands in marriage, but I’m not interested. I could be so much more. Recently I saw Paul. I was at a mall. He was with his wife. I saw him before he saw me. He was with his wife. When he saw me, he looked forward like he didn’t know me. I had seen him already so I acted like I had no idea of who he was. Then the next day, there was Paul the next week in my office. I sent him away, saying I was busy. He now sends text, saying he’s sorry and things like that asking how am.
Suddenly his mother too has started calling. I haven’t still answered and she hasn’t stopped, maybe they need more money, or another person needs a scholarship. Lol…. I’ve got it all together.
When I’m ready to have a kid I’ll get one. I don’t need to be married to get one.I have the money I need, and love is overrated. Maybe somebody will learn not to be as stupid as I was.