The poster wrote in last year on a post titled I get a certain thrill from dating married men. Click here to read if you have forgotten.
She’s back with an update and a small challenge. Read on…
I wrote late last year about dating married men and enjoying it and getting pregnant and I read the comments and I dare say, they went easy on me. Except Dante who termed me ‘hoelosho’. I’m really not that person. It was a time in my life and I am as honest as possible to myself. So dante, I told myself the truth. Maybe you wanted to hear me regret and say I had a need that led me to dating married men, but honestly, I just enjoyed it.
I’m writing because I wanted to thank those who advised. I actually put them to use and I am happy I wrote to you in the first place.
Firstly, someone advised that I travel and I did. For a long time, I mean since October last year and I kept the baby. Yeah I did. I thought I would regret it but I do not and my babies are due in May. I kept it not for religious reasons or because I wanted to exact revenge from this married man I loved. I did it for me. My happiness has known no bounds. This would be the best decision I ever made.
Secondly, I saw a doctor who says I turned to married men probably because I lost my dad around that period. I dont know if i agree but at least, i have something to blame.
Thirdly, I have left Married men alone. Lol. They have however refused to leave me. I say this because, i just returned to Lagos last week and while I was waiting for my Uber, I met married man numero uno who is responsible for the pregnancy. NSG, I am practically crapping out because it was a struggle to forget and let go. A real struggle to let him be and he didn’t even call me, which made moving on and looking forward easier. But I’m in Lagos, and he is the first familiar person I see , and he sees me and looks from my face to my tummy and he has that calculation going on and he opens his mouth and then practically shouts and says “you shouldn’t have kept it”. I want to kill him. At that moment, i wished to be a witch and just wish him gone and he is gone.
I ignore him, wait a while and my uber shows up. I go home but in that moment, all the mistakes of 2017 come back and all the feelings I thought had died are back and it’s as if I made no progress at all. How can I love him so much, even now that things have changed? I have had nothing to do with men since my last relationship in November and that was a conscious decision, but seeing him, I’m asking myself if and why I should raise my kids alone. Believe me, I know why I should and I actually want to raise them alone without the trappings of marriage, but I have begun to second guess all my decisions because I saw him.
So he has been calling and telling me how much he loves me (again?) (i have moved on) (why would God allow us to see for crissakes) and why we should make a decision. Its all bullshit, i know. I’m however In over my head on this one. I don’t know what to do. Should I leave Nigeria again? (wouldn’t that be running and for how long) As much as I do not want to deny him access to his children (does he still have that right? I mean he wanted me to have an abortion!!! ), I do not want to have to relate with him before I catch all my old feelings and lose my senses again.
How do i find a balance?