I get a certain thrill from dating married men

Dear NSG, I wish I knew your name so I could pretend I was talking to a friend I know. But I guess this affords anonymity which I am also thankful for. I come across to many persons as very self confident. I look that way. But honestly I am a confused soul . I am actually tired of my life. I have made so many bad choices and the guilt makes it impossible to be thankful for the daily blessings I have.

The latest bad choice is the thrill I get in dating married men. I have always known it was wrong but never felt bad about it until yesterday. I have read articles calling women who date married men names and calling karma to exact judgement and it always made me laugh. I mean, my dad had side chicks, my uncles do. Never met a married man who didn’t and my aunties did nothing. Society just seemed fucked up so I didn’t really care. But I wasn’t always a fan of married men. Infact not until this year. I started talking to someone I had dated in 2009. He is recently married. I remember loving him back in 2009. But a lot happened and we just moved on. So we recently hooked up and he was all about how he loved me and wished he had married me instead. I knew it was all bullshit. I liked him so. We started having sex. It was good. But it wasnt the sex, I have had better. It was him. He was different from all the single guys I dated.

They lacked something he had which I really needed. Cant put a name to it. Fastforward to when he had to move back to lagos with his family. I died. No calls, messages or anything. It was crazy. I came down to lagos and got to meet him but it wasnt the same. There was this constant looking over his shoulder, picking spots that were so far. I didnt care. Just made me resent the wife so much. And he made it worse, when he said things like my wife this, my wife that, I dont want to hurt her… im looking deep into myself, I dont want to destroy any family, but I love this dude. Still do and because he thinks im immature and I am not as understanding of the situation as he expects, he isnt talking to me. I know I got a clean break. I should move on. But I am stuck. I am dating another married man. I am thrilled. I don’t love this man. And it’s not about the money because I have a business of my own and I’m doing well financially.

I am bored with this married man. On the hunt for another. But something changed yesterday. I heard Beyonce’s intro to the song, sorry. I could hear the pain in her voice and the words she said. I for the first time, felt bad about dating married men. Because of how the wives must feel if they knew. Yes I knew from the very beginning that they were married and that it was wrong,but I dated them regardless. She said dust to side chicks…it smarted. I couldn’t eat. Still can’t believe I sunk this low. To worsen it, I am pregnant for married man numero uno. Should I tell him or just let him be in peace? I know I have been so selfish. But I still want to date married men. This particular married man, but if not him, it has to be a married man. Believe me, I feel bad now. I didn’t before. Maybe that’s something. If this is post worthy, you decide. Pls reply regardless.

***

PLEASE, no curse or hate words on her. PLEASE.

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  1. Flogirl October 12, 2017
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