From my inbox…
There is this guy in my life that thinks we are in a very serious relationship and headed for the altar. How he came about such an outrageous fantasy baffles me to this very moment because I have done nothing but discourage him. But he is taking it very serious, especially lately and my nerves are wearing thin. I am afraid that if I do not put a stop to this nonsense now,it might become a very serious issue soon.
It all began in my 2nd year in uni, I noticed this guy was coming around me ,trying to get close and all. His father and mine are childhood friends and we are from the same place, I did’nt really know him until he started talking to me back then in school. Ofcourse I assumed he was trying to toast me but I was not interested, so I avoided him as much as possible.
Fast forward to my 3rd year, one day he ‘cornered’ me, and was like why am I keeping away from him and all that, that he just wants to be a brother to me, being that we are from the same place and our families know each other and all that, no strings attached.
I was skeptical but decided to test his words. He soon invited me to his place and I went there. Everything normal, his attitude brotherly. So I relaxed. We became quite close. He used to give advice , help me out with school work and even hook me up when i’m broke. I spent many afternoons in his place, because they always had light in his area sha(who charging of phone never put for wahala?).
He never made any advances, never mentioned anything about us being together, never even acted like he was interested in any way other than being just friends. He even had a girlfriend and chics fighting over him. I took this guy as my brother.
Fast forward to my final year, he had graduated then. He came around for his stuff and asked me out to lunch. I went for the lunch. We had our normal conversation and exhange of banter. But to my greatest horror, towards the end , this guy begin talk of love. How he has feelings for me all this while and so on. My eyes were like this . I told him capital NO there and then. I told him that I feel nothing for him. I told him that in my mind, he is just like one of my cousins. I even let him know that I was seeing someone. So WTF??
He was like ,he knew i’d be surprised but that I should give it a try.
We had been friends for about 3 years and I have a soft spot for him. He has been super kind to me all these years. Now, the tricky part, after many months of begging and convincing, I decided to give it a trial. We even tried making love. I felt like I was rolling in a pit filled with worms. That is the only way I can describe how my skin crawled. It felt so wrong to me, I could not even bear it. One helluva night. I told him see,this thing cannot work out for me. I have tried my best, so you need to understand and let it go. I stopped taking stuff from him, stopped being that close. To make things better for me, he was very far away..
We rarely spoke and with time he stopped talking about the whole thing.
Then last year, he started exhibiting some signs as per that reasoning, talking about settling down. I tried my best to deflect it without being harsh or rude.
If I tell this story stage by stage , una go tire, so let me go to main issue.
This year, he has intensified efforts.
Speaking to me with authority. Quarrelling when I do not take his calls. He calls by around 11pm every night and is ready to run down my battery if i do not pick. He feels it his right to summon me from my precious sleep at any hour. The worst is that when he wakes me up,he will begin a long winded ramble about his day, as if it is my concern, then he will begin advice session. My God! Infact he used to call morning and night o. Morning session was by 4:30/5:00am to do morning devotion. One of such morning, I lashed out angrily at him for the disturbance , and that one stopped.
There is nothing wrong with this guy. He is goodlooking, has a reasonable means of livelihood and is very hardworking , ambitious and driven. The problem is that I feel no attraction for him. I do love him as family , but lately everything he does, irritates me.
His presumptousness aggravates me. I have used every hint possible. I never respond to his lovey dovey words. I have been as cold as I can without freezing but he is just so blind.
He thinks i’m being coy. All my bad attitudes towards him, he has read fantastic meanings into them.
Everything that can make a person tired is what I have tried but to no avail.
I know some people will say eiyaa this guy really loves you, can’t you just accomodate him, but please please. It is impossible to marry somebody you feel no attraction for and expect to be happy. Last week, we had a fight cos I cut him off in the middle of one his rambles and hung up. He didnt call for some days, I thought he finally got it. But he is back!! After the usual whining about how I behaved he started love talk again.
I do not want to devastate him,that is why I have been using signs but its not working. Now its getting out of hand. Everytime I see his name on the caller id I feel like flinging my phone. I need advice on how to gently but very firmly tell him off. So that he can leave me alone and stop building castles in the air. I have been handling the issue with kid gloves for the sake of our friendship. But now I do not care. I just want him off my back, do not wish to be mean about it or rude or harsh or cruel. Can I get advice on a diplomatic way to extricate myself from this situation? Thanks