Earlier this week, I hooked up with a friend of mine. He’s been a potential boyfriend candidate and I had been looking forward to seeing him for months since he lives in another state.
So my friend hugged me and said he was happy to see me again. He said we should drive somewhere and chat over lunch.
During the long ride, I asked a simple, “How are you?” and he gave me a very long speech on how the state of the economy is making his business run at a loss. He talked about how APC has been unfair to Nigerians who voted “change” and how the cost of living has sky rocketed.
The first ten minutes, I listened attentively. I started to get bored after a while but pretended I found the conversation interesting. It was a huge relief when he finally kept quiet and drove into the restaurant parking space.
Once seated, I was using my hands to flip my weaves behind my ear in a sultry manner so he would notice my face and tell me I look nice at least but he was just scrolling through his phone absent-mindedly.
Then he asked me what I’d like to eat and I told him to tell a waiter to get me the menu list.
Menu list, my mistake.
Upon hearing the word ‘list’, he said, “Oh, today is 30th abi? Is it not yesterday Buhari was supposed to release the list of names of corrupt people in government?”
I said I don’t know!
Who list epp?
The guy suddenly turned Buhari and began listing the names of all the corrupt people in power. Then he ended his roll call with, “It’s quite unfortunate the oil price is going down.”
By this time, our meals had arrived. I ordered a chapman and jollof rice/beef. He got a bottle of water and fried rice/salad/ chicken.
He complained about his rice and I made a mistake to ask him why he didn’t get jollof.
Another long speech…
“Tomatoes that is now one for hundred naira in Port Harcourt! These days one can’t trust the alternatives they use in making jollof. Some people even use pawpaw and back in Awka, most restaurants have returned to ofaku in place of stew… it’s quite unfortunate the oil price is going down.”
Twenty minutes later, we were done with our meals. Coincidentally, a friend of his walked in and approached our table when he sighted us. After they exchanged pleasantries and the necessary introductions were made, it was all Buhari! Buhari!! Buhari!!!
There was a PDP vs APC battle right there in the restaurant!
“Did you listen to the democracy day speech yesterday?” His friend asked.
“So disappointing!” My friend replied.
“Another 3 years to go! Nna eh, we go see change tire!”
“Who send that Lai Mohammed talk? The man dey vex me.”
“Na now you know? Last year were you not number 1 campaign man for Buhari? You no allow us hear word”
“But we all thought Buhari was our saviour. . . It’s quite unfortunate the oil price is going down.”
At this point I started twirling and turning in my seat. My friend asked what was wrong and I said I’d like to go. He said I should wait for another thirty minutes so he could chat more with his friend and drop me at home thereafter but I declined and told him I only needed him to open his car so I can pick my phone that was charging.
God knows I was going to run mad if I heard another mention of Buhari.
When we got to the car, he gave me 5k for cab and bid me goodbye.
That’s how he didn’t tell me I looked fine, he didn’t say he missed me and he didn’t ask when next are we seeing.
All because of Buhari!
I flagged a cab and the guy asked for N4,000 to take me to my destination. I was negotiating N3,000. He eventually told me to get in.
When we got home, I gave him N3,000 but he told me to please add N500 extra.
I told him, “Oga I would have but no money everywhere. It’s quite unfortunate the oil price is going down.”